we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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