I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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