he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
