party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can text with my tongue
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
