Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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