he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
