he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
