I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
