College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
