So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
