That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
