Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
