Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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