Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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