we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
