my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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