Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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