I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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