So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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