I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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