Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
