When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize