My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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