We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize