he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
