Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
