brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
