Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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