I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
