Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
