She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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