@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They took my balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
