she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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