I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize