How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
