I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
