He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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