It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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