You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
