Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
