Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will pee on everything he values.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
