I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
