I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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