I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
