I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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