When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
