all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
