You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize