and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
