That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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