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you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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