the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
