If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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