Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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