Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
