OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize