Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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