yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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