Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
