Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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