Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
