My nipple is on Facebook.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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