I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
please come you make the beer taste better
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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