Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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