That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm at about main and main street
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
