Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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