it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
