There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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